This week in clinic, a client told me something that hit me right in the chest:

“I don’t recognize myself anymore.”

She used to be happy. Outgoing. The person who had it all together.

Now? She feels anxious. Flat. Numb.
And the scariest part? She’s afraid this version of her might be here to stay.

The truth is, I hear this all the time. And if you’ve felt this way too, I want you to know: you are not alone.

For so many of the women and couples I work with, infertility is the first time in their lives they’ve faced a problem they can’t just research, plan, or push their way out of.
It’s filled with unknowns:

• No clear reason why you aren’t pregnant yet
• No end date in sight
• No real sense of control

It’s enough to make anyone feel like they’re losing it.

And then there’s the rest of it—
Watching friends fall pregnant on a whim.
Seeing people who don’t care about nutrition or wellness getting their happy ending.
Hearing another piece of conflicting advice from the internet or a well-meaning friend.

It’s overwhelming. It’s isolating. And it’s so deeply unfair.

As a fertility practitioner with over 14 years of experience, I can tell you this with certainty:
There’s no perfect protocol, no “clean enough” diet, no supplement regime that guarantees success.
I’ve seen babies conceived with coffee in hand, with imperfect diets, and in circumstances that would surprise you.

But the common thread?

Every single one of those women carried a quiet ache.
A fear that their happy ending might never come.
A version of themselves they barely recognized anymore.

If that’s you right now, I see you.

I want to offer you something gentler than toxic positivity, and more useful than another “just relax” tip.

Here are some small shifts that actually help:

Feel it all
You don’t have to fake optimism. It’s okay to feel flat, angry, disconnected. The more you try to push those feelings away, the louder they become. Give yourself space to feel it.

Prioritise real self-care
Not the bubble-bath kind (unless that helps!)—the kind that nourishes your nervous system. Morning sunlight. Movement that feels good. A slow cup of tea. Five minutes of deep breathing. Let it be simple and doable.

Protect your energy
It’s okay to say no to the baby shower. To mute the pregnancy announcements. To step away from conversations that leave you raw. This isn’t selfish—it’s self-preservation.

Find your people
You don’t have to do this alone. Whether it’s a practitioner, a support group, or a friend who gets it—having the right people around you makes all the difference.

Make a plan (when you’re ready)
If you’re someone who feels better with a sense of direction, map out some next steps. It doesn’t have to be perfect, but it can bring a sense of calm in the chaos.

And please remember:
This isn’t your forever.
This isn’t who you are now.

It’s just a season. A tough one, yes—but it will shift.

You will come back to yourself.

 
Jaya x