Going through IVF can feel like a whirlwind – hope, fear, frustration, and exhaustion, all tangled together.

And let’s be real: the strain on your relationship can feel like the heaviest burden of all.

No more spontaneity, less fun, and romance replaced by a never-ending to-do list. It’s easy to wonder, “Is this the new us?”

But here’s the truth: this is just a season of your life.
The person you are right now – disheartened, disconnected, maybe even doubting yourself – is not who you’ll be forever.

You will find your way back to each other.
And yourself.

In this blog, I’m sharing practical ways to help your relationship not just survive IVF, but thrive through it.

1. Start Talking

The first step to reconnecting is communication.
IVF is emotionally intense, and both you and your partner are likely carrying different worries, fears, and hopes.

But here’s the thing: you can’t support each other if you don’t know what’s really going on beneath the surface.

Set aside time for a weekly “worry list” check-in.
Each of you gets 10 minutes to share how you’re feeling: no interruptions, no solutions, just listening. This creates a safe space for honesty and vulnerability. You might be surprised by what your partner is holding onto, and simply being heard can be incredibly healing.

2. Educate Together

IVF is like taking on a second full-time job. Appointments, medications, procedures.
It’s a lot to manage, and it can feel overwhelming if one person is carrying the mental load alone.

Where possible, attend appointments together. Take notes, ask questions, and make sure you both understand the process. Being informed as a team not only reduces surprises but also helps you feel less alone. One couple I worked with created a shared IVF calendar so they could stay on top of appointments and medications together, it was a small act that made a big difference.

3. Share the Mental Load

This is a big one. IVF often adds layers of stress to an already full plate, and if one partner is carrying the majority of the mental load, it can lead to resentment and burnout.

Here’s a quick exercise:

1. Write down everything that’s on your mental to-do list. No matter how big or small.
2. Cross off anything that isn’t urgent or necessary right now.
3. Divide the remaining tasks between you.

For example, one of you might handle household chores while the other manages medication schedules. The goal is to lighten the load together so no one feels like they’re doing it all.

4. Daily Emotional Check-Ins

Sometimes, talking about feelings can feel like another task on the to-do list. That’s why I love this simple idea: a daily emotional check-in.

One couple I know used a small chalkboard on their fridge. Each morning, they’d write a number out of 10 to show how they were feeling.
1 being low, 10 being amazing.

If one of them wrote a low number, the other would step in with extra support, whether that meant taking on more chores or being aware that they might need extra support today. It’s a small, practical way to stay attuned to each other without endless conversations.

5. Intimacy, Identity & Side Effects

Let’s be honest: IVF can drain the romance out of a relationship. Hormone treatments, stress, and exhaustion don’t exactly set the mood. But intimacy isn’t just about sex, it’s about connection.

Plan one “no-IVF” date night every week. It doesn’t have to be fancy. Order takeout, watch a comedy, or go for a walk. The goal is to reconnect as a couple, not as two people navigating treatments. And remember, it’s okay if your libido is low or if you’re feeling disconnected from your body.
This is temporary, and giving yourselves grace is key.

6. Love Languages

Understanding your partner’s love language can be a game-changer during IVF. For example, my husband Nic’s love language is physical touch, while mine is words of affirmation. During stressful times, I know that a simple hug means the world to him, while hearing “You’re doing an amazing job” fills my cup.

Take a moment to think about your partner’s love language. Is it touch, words of affirmation, acts of service, quality time, or gifts? Then ask yourself: What’s one small thing I can do this week to show them love in a way that feels meaningful to them? The little things can make a bigger impact than you realize.

7. Emotional Support & Outside Help

You don’t have to go through this alone. Therapy or counseling can be a powerful tool for navigating the emotional challenges of IVF. Whether it’s individual therapy, couples counseling, or a support group, having a space to process your feelings can make all the difference.

And don’t underestimate the power of community. Connecting with others who are going through similar experiences can reduce feelings of isolation and remind you that you’re not alone.

8. This Is Just a Season

Finally, remember this: IVF is just one chapter in your story—not the whole book. Yes, it’s hard. Yes, it can feel overwhelming. But with open communication, shared effort, and a little grace for yourselves, this journey can bring you closer than ever.

Take it one day at a time, and don’t forget to celebrate the small wins along the way. Whether it’s a good appointment, a calm day, or simply making it through another week, those moments matter.